The Greasy Hair Club
by SneverusSnapers
Summary: Severus Snape from Harry Potter, Connor and Guy of Guisbourne are the three members of the Greasy hair club to save hair grease from extinction - but one day their annual meeting goes down with a bang.


**A/N You probably will think this is just weird – but if you've seen Primeval and BBC's Robin Hood as well as reading Harry Potter, then if you have a weird mind like mine you might actually twist some humour out of this. If not, let me know and I'll get it down (if you think it's just weird), otherwise tell me it's slightly funny as well as weird! By the way – this may be written seriously but it isn't and may I remind you that this is HUMOUR (if it wasn't then I'd agree with you – it would be terrifyingly weird). If you don't know what any of these words mean 'look it up in a dictionary' (small personal quote) and if you don't like it let me know – in a CONSTRUCTIVE way!**

**Disclaimer: Nope – I don't own ANYTHING! I'm too poor to buy the rights! So you'll just have to accept that it's not my characters but it IS my twist on them! (All the weirdness comes from me)**

_**(Snapers = Snape from Harry Potter, Greasy = Connor from Primeval, Leathers = Guy of Guisbourne from BBC's Robin Hood)**_

_It's the seventh annual greasy hair conference and the three members of this esteemed establishment, Snapers, Greasy and Leathers are arriving in the base of their hallowed institution – Greasy's garden shed. Today they shall be voting on several __**important **__matters such as hair cream replacing hair gel and the leader of the club. Every year they vote on the leader, and every year they can never come to an agreement for every member votes for himself..._

"Hello, all esteemed members of this hallowed establishment and now the seventh meeting in order of greasy hair is now in practice." Snapers droned, his voice never getting less dull and sophomoric. Greasy was already asleep after that short introduction. Leathers nudged Greasy and he jerked awake.

"What? When? Where? The anomaly! Where is it?" Greasy shouted, his eyes frantically darting around the room, but then he looked solemnly at the floor when he noticed where he was. This happened every year so the others were expecting it.

Snapers coughed like he would do to some of his most despicable students, like that _boy_ ,who thought he owned the place. Unfortunately Snapers couldn't sneer '_detention, Mr Potter'_ or any of his favourite phrases at Greasy because there was no leader to this dratted club. _It may be a dratted club with only three members_, Snapers reminded himself, but it covered many different topics which no ordinary assembly covered. They were too busy fighting for world peace and human rights when what they _should _have been focusing on was Greasy hair and its plans to dominate the world!

Snapers was snapped out of his wonderful thoughts by Leathers who impatiently talking on his mobile.

"What is it Sherriff? Is it that hoodie again? What has the lily livered sucker arrow dunce done now? He's _raided _my room do you say? And... STOLEN ALL OF MY HAIR GREASE!"

There was a shocked silence which drew across the room with a mix of sympathy toward Leathers and luck that it wasn't them that had just been raided of such a bare essential. Leathers got up, his chair scraping across the dirt the Greasy called a floor for his shed.

"I really need to go and teach the hoodie a lesson, these modern day yobs think they can get anything just by stealing it – and that they can get away with it! Anyway – that hoodie is a crime to fashion." Apologised Leathers, glancing at Greasy and Snapers for allowance to leave, but he just saw sympathetic faces, none saying that he could go.

Greasy was about to mention that the hoodie HAD got away with it when he noticed that maybe it wouldn't help Leathers out in his situation so he solved his puzzled little mind's problem by falling asleep, it's what he does when he gets confused and by the time he wakes up generally the cause of the problem has gone.

"I know you're having a crisis, Leathers, but can't it wait? We've got important matters to discuss such as hair cream replacing grease and of course, we have to elect our new leader." Every time there is no leader, because every member would vote for himself, causing a tie . Even though Snapers was ecstatically excited he spoke in his usual murmur, muttering and showering whomever he was speaking to in spit. This time Leathers was the unlucky victim and, although most of it landed in his face, a tiny droplet landed on his Leather jacket.

"Snape!" Leathers called, infuriated. He was seething and you could tell by the fact he called Snapers by his _real _name, which never even so much as gets uttered in the near proximity of the greasy hair club. Steam was literally pouring out of Leather's ears and his face turned a violent shade of maroon.

"You SPAT on my jacket!" Leathers yelled and grabbed Snapers by the robe, lifting up in the air. Snapers fumbled in the many pockets of his robe, finally withdrawing his wand. When he pointed it at Leathers he didn't even flinch.

"We had to move into Greasy's world for the meeting, there is no magic here," Sneered Leathers at Snapers as he carefully examined his wand. As in on cue a dodo waddled in, but it didn't seem right. There was something wrong with it.

"The parasite!" Greasy yelled, and he lunged at the Dodo. But before he could restrain the Dodo or whatever he was planning on doing, a giant mutated maggot broke out of the Dodo. Before Greasy could squash it or whatever his plan was, the parasite squelched forward and burrowed its way under his skin. Greasy screamed a high pitched, girly scream and as he ran forward to get assistance from the weird reptile loving girl who he shared a flat with something dropped out of his pocket. A pot of hair cream.

"Not you too!" Screeched Snapers, "I was convinced it would never penetrate our inner circle!" After that Snapers dropped to the floor. Leathers checked his pulse. He was still alive; he'd just fainted at the scandal and pure trauma of the event.

Greasy just glanced at Snape apologetically, "Abbie said she didn't like my grease." He explained hurriedly and then dashed out of the room, the parasity gnawing its way up his chest. Soon it would reach his brain. He had to reach Abbie before then. He sprinted across the patio towards their flat. Luckily they were on the ground floor or he'd have to run up stairs with the parasite inside him, which would be once ounce of fat too much, probably resulting in collapse for his puny muscles.

Leathers just snickered at Snaper's discomfort and picked up the stick he had been waving around. He tried waving it and a puff of flames billowed out of the wand and engulfed Greasy's shed. He couldn't stop it, and even when he dropped the wand flames continued to pour out. He paused for a second, bringing his thoughts together and then stepped on the wand, his terrifyingly leather boots crunching the wand underfoot and snapping it into several shards. A splinter tried to penetrate the deep leather, but it never worked. Of course it wouldn't, that was _pure_ leather, not just the stuff you buy at the market.

Leathers looked around the burning shed. Snapers was on the floor, having fainted and Greasy had run off because of some petty maggot. Leathers smiled.

"I elect myself to be the new leader of the Greasy hair club. Any objections?" He asked, and then paused, cupping his hand to his ear and he grinned at the beckoning silence.

"Very well then, we appoint _Leathers_ as the new leader." Leathers said, a grin permanently fixed across his face. "I thereby call the seventh Greasy Hair meeting to a close."

Leather stepped over Snapers' fainted body and in a final decision pulled it out from the flames. He couldn't have a greasy hair club without Snapers, Greasy was too _good, _and Snapers was the link between both of them. Then Leathers marched off to sort out that hoodie once and for all.


End file.
